It doesn’t matter

I’m going back to work after a lovely week off where I got to go to Norfolk with my family. I was so happy and it was lovely there and I went to the beach and saw lots of birds and ate lots of desserts and it was wonderful. All my spots went away with no creams or changes in facewash used, proving once and for all that they are stress related. They’ll be back soon. Also my coldsores flared up massively a couple of days ago, for the first time in ages. Back to work tomorrow!

I’m trying to start another new mantra for myself, this time about work. ‘It doesn’t matter’. This isn’t about customers being horrible, because God knows I’ve had enough of my colleagues telling me to get over it when customers are rude assholes. That does matter, and it’s wrong. This is more to do with work politics.

SO:

It doesn’t matter if my new colleague gets trained on everything super fast and gets to go to special meetings and sell travel money when he’s really barely started. I can have my own theories about why this is happening, but that’s unprovable right now. (My theory being that it is sexism, because he’s the only man other than the boss in an extremely female dominated workplace. Now I know some of you reading that are not believing me but you’ve not seen it here. The post office lives and breathes because of women on the counters, but the higher-ups are mostly men. There’s one who isn’t as far as I know, that’s it. And the boss is a sexist asshole already, and has already given the new guy plenty of opportunities the new female employees aren’t getting. Trust me. But it’s currently unprovable. I don’t think it’s wrong of me to brush this aside for now. I will continue pointing out unfairness to the boss when I see it, but I’m only one, low-level person. Long aside over.) I’m already trained on the things he now knows how to do. I will not be replaced forever if he knows new things. And it’s not my responsibility to manage the emotions of the new female employees if they feel left out, I can only offer my sympathy and commiserations to them.

It doesn’t matter if customers hate the post office because of the questions we have to ask. I don’t have to prove anything about us as a company.

It doesn’t matter if the customers hate the royal mail and think the post office is the same as the royal mail, and therefore hate the post office. I don’t have to prove anything about us as a company.

It doesn’t matter if Pelly and Mint (long-standing senior coworker, new young coworker) don’t get on. It’s not my responsibility, as a lower coworker who has to do what I’m told to do by Pelly, to make sure Mint is treated fairly by her. In fact involvement on this issue by me in the past only made things much worse for Mint. I will stay out of it until I think of what to do next.

It doesn’t matter if the boss hands me a serious sounding list of difficult requirements I absolutely must fulfill every day, every time, every customer, no matter how afraid I am they might get mad at being asked so much stuff. Instead of feeling horrible and like the work I do will never be good enough, I will remember the previous times it’s happened where the boss never mentioned the list again and when asked about it acted like it was never meant to be a serious deal (despite the fact that it night as well have had ‘this is a serious deal’ written on the top). I know his M.O. by now.

It doesn’t matter if I never get to go in travel money again. The stress of upselling and the crapness of working alongside the boss/Pelly when she’s in a stress are a pretty equal tradeoff with the stress of never ending customers. So I will stop worrying about whether I’ll get to go in there again.

It doesn’t matter if I have to buy coffee to get through each day. I can afford it at the moment, coffee I make at home doesn’t do the trick any more, it gets me through the day and makes me happy, so I’ll do it.

That’s my list of things that don’t matter. There is of course stuff that does matter, but it’s important I forget about this stuff first. I can’t hold so many uneeded responsibilities on my shoulders, and I need to recognise that because of how I am (an worrier, and someone who feels the need to help people all the time because of my past) I am doing these things when nobody asked me to.

Wish me luck! Parcels ahoy!

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