I was signed off from work last week. I went to the doctor for an emergency appointment, got the letter and took it down to show Phyllis, who was running the branch at the time. Then I left. Coincidentally a friend was in town that day and he took me for a cup of tea. I told him ‘I feel like someone took a one-two punch to my brain’- not that it hurt but it felt stunned and disengaged.
Two days later was the grievance hearing. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, several weeks have passed since I first contacted HR. I was seen first, on my own, and gave a long statement with a note taker. I got to read the notes afterwards and there were errors which I corrected. However it was awkward because the woman who wrote them was sitting right there so even though some stuff didn’t get into the notes at all I didn’t add it, only edited stuff that was there.
They said they would interview Phyllis and Boss (good I guess), also all staff currently in the branch to get their perspective (not good). I don’t want to know what some of my colleagues would say about unstable Mossy and her emotions. Then I was told I would hear back in a couple of days. I’ll have to ring my parents house later to see if a letter has arrived. Nowhere has my current address as I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, my landlords see this flat as a temporary place.
I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and it was wonderful. I’m back home today and the emptiness has sneaked back in, I feel so alone. I eat foods like cup noodles even though they don’t fill me up and give me a dry mouth afterwards, because the only other thing I can make is toast and I want a hot lunch. I don’t want to touch food with my hands too much. I have to go back to work on Thursday and that’s the shortest time in the world. I want to work on my costume for MCM Expo May 2016 but I can’t concentrate for more than half an hour at a time. I’m drinking too much coffee and getting headaches. I’m so tired. I don’t know how to work any more and I don’t want to face my colleagues. I used to put myself 100% into my work and now I’m the post office colleague who emotionally exploded and ruined her reputation, that my boss will use as a cautionary tale and disclose my mental health situation to new staff after I leave.