I’m in the middle of a depressed slump right now, it’s been pretty much since I finished at my Christmas temp job on Boxing Day. Maybe since before because Christmas itself was pretty miserable. I’ve been tired and when I’m left to myself I just surf the net for hours on end (I’m going to really miss it when I go back to my flat). I don’t do anything useful.
(TMI about porn and masturbation below the cut)
I’ve been using erotic fanfiction (ok, it’s porn), usually m/m, as a coping mechanism for a while now. Several months. I continually self examine about whether its fetishising of gay relationships, but mostly I just use it to plug some kind of miserable hole inside me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it makes it worse. For me, personally, I consider it unhealthy because I don’t know if I could stop voluntarily, and I don’t like the dependance it has on my mood. I don’t masturbate to it though it does turn me on slightly, I use different methods to get off.
Should be packing to go back to my flat but today I feel especially lethargic. Also dizzy, short of breath, and increased appetite. Excuse me while I just flop and try and find something other than porn to read online for as long as possible.
By the way this blog may become more about sex as time goes on. I’m going to tag it carefully because I personally have some weird triggers to do with reading about other people’s sex lives that even I don’t really understand, and I want other people who might have this not to be surprised by anything unexpectedly.